i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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