I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just found puke in my bra..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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