well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
