my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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