Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
