We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
