there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
