Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize