i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
