vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
