shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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