I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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