Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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