My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
