If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
