do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
