I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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