I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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