I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
