i don't like sucking hair
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
