We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
