Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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