you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
