he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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