i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
