Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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