Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
