I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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