mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
