there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize