i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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