theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize