New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
