i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
