Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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