Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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