if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
