I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am available for nakedness
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
