let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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