she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
