Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
