She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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