PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
