Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
