So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
