Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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