a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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