So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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