She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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