I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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