Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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