remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
