the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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