I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
