Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
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