That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
