so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
