Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
