Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
