Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
