The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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