WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
