there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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