i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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