so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
