forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
