he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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