Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
4 words: hood of his car
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
