His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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