sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
