Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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