the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
