i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
