Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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