I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
