Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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