lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
