He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
where are my eyebrows?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
