We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize