Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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