I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
