i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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