Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
