we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
