dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
