I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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