Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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