we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
