I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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