And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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