nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
