my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
