you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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