Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
