Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
