Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
