No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
