guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i want to swaddle you in tequila
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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