New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
