someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
