i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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