i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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