Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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