It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
